A Key To Intimacy In Marriage - AFFIRMATION & APPRECIATION

One of the TWO key factors to increasing intimacy in your marriage relationship is AFFIRMATION & APPRECIATION.

Couples in strong marriages regularly and overtly express appreciation to one another.

Dr. John Gottman, who worked extensively with married couples, discovered that positive expressions are essential for healthy relationships. Satisfied couples maintained a five-to-one ratio of positive moments (e.g., mutual pleasure, passion, humor, support, kindness, generosity) to negative moments (e.g., complaint, criticism, anger, disgust, contempt, defensiveness, coldness).

Allan Petersen sums it up like this: “Words are creative things and tend to produce what they praise. Words of appreciation draw husband and wife together, create a positive sense of well-being, strengthen the innate self-worth of one another, encourage interdependency, provide a powerful incentive for growth and maturity and unlock the tremendous potential for achievement.”

Assessing Your Marriage's Strength In Appreciation and Affection
by Dr. Nick and Nancy Stinnett and Joe and Alice Beam

Put an "S," for strength, beside the qualities you feel you've achieved, and a "G," for growth, beside those qualities that are the areas of potential growth. If the particular characteristic does not apply to your family or is not a characteristic important to you, put an "NA," for not applicable.

By doing this exercise, you will be able to identify areas you would like to work on together to improve on those areas of strength that will serve as the foundation for their growth and positive change together.

Appreciation and Affection

1. _____ We show appreciation to each other every day.

2. _____ We feel deep and genuine affection for each other.

3. _____We avoid criticizing each other.

4. _____ We speak positively to each other.

5. _____ We recognize each other's accomplishments.

6. _____ We see each other's good qualities.

7. _____ We look for the good in each other.

8. _____ We are sincere in expressions of appreciation.

9. _____ We practice good manners at home and with others.

10. _____ We refrain from sarcasm and put-downs.

12. _____ We cultivate humor that is gentle and positive. (No one is embarrassed or hurt by it.)