A Key To Intimacy In Marriage - NURTURING LOVE
Ephesians 5:28-29
So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.
To Nourish: To nourish up to maturity, to nurture, to bring up.
To Cherish: To care for with tender love, to keep warm.
When we think of the worse thing our husband or wife could do to harm our marriage we often think of things like adultery, abandonment, domestic violence, and addictions to alcohol, drugs, gambling, or pornography. However, one of the most destructive activities in a marriage is neglect.
1. Marital Neglect is the habitual lack of care toward one’s spouse. Neglect occurs when a person becomes so focused on themselves that they stop giving attention to their spouse. It can happen when a husband or wife gets so focused on their own problems; inadequacies, failures, and struggles; or on their current projects, achievements, successes, and accomplishments, that he or she fails to see their spouse’s needs.
Marital neglect can also occur when we start taking one another for granted or when we do not keep our priorities ordered properly.
Neglect is expressed in the following ways:
- Paying little or no attention to our spouse.
- Failing to heed our spouse’s concerns or warnings.
- Disregarding our spouse’s needs.
- Failing to carry out relationship strengthening activities.
Synonyms for neglect: negligence, inattention, disregard, disesteem, remissness, indifference.
QUESTIONS:
- Have you been neglectful toward your spouse? Give an example.
- Have you experienced neglect from your spouse? Give an example.
When our goal in the marriage relationship is to not be neglectful, we can spend most of our time and energy on maintaining the relationship. On the surface, the goal of marital maintenance seems like a good thing for a marriage. However, as we will see later, maintenance of the marriage relationship is not the highest goal to pursue.
2. Marital Maintenance is the work of keeping the marriage relationship in proper condition. It is doing all that is necessary to keep the marriage in “good working order.”
Maintenance is expressed in the following ways:
- Spending just enough time with your spouse to keep him or her happy.
- Communicating what is necessary to maintain an acceptable level of intimacy.
- Giving just enough attention to your spouse’s needs to prevent discord.
- Planning just enough activities with your spouse to keep from being neglectful.
Synonyms for maintenance: upkeep, sustenance, support, supply of necessaries
We can spend so much energy trying to stay out of marital neglect and to do our best to maintain the relationship, that we will fail to spend ample time doing what is most critical to the growth of the marriage. Marital nurture is when we invest sacrificially into the marriage relationship. Nurture is always “other-centered” and prioritizes the well-being of our spouse.
3. Marital Nurture is the work of providing emotional nourishment to your spouse. It is the tender care that promotes and sustains growth and development in the life of your spouse.
Nurture is expressed in the following ways:
- Spending time doing what your spouse wants to do and being happy doing it.
- Willingly sacrificing your plans and schedule to spend time in meaningful communication.
- Sensitive to your spouses needs and anticipating his or her needs before they arise.
- Investing in relationship building activities.
Synonyms for nurture: cultivating, fostering, nursing, nourishing, cherishing
Using the chart below, list the activities and communications that fall into each category:
NEGLECT MAINTENANCE NURTURE